Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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