dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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