First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
