My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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