This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
