If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
