im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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