Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize