I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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