i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
