Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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