He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
