I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The best revenge is premature balding
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
