Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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