Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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