When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
