What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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