My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
