Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
