smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
