STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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