Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
