brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
