Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Randomize
