Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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