So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
