yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
