accomplished twins. life is a go
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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