when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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