I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
