He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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