"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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