Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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