Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
