I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
