I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
A+ Viking dick
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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