Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
