We won't sleep together?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
