Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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