That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
