This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
