i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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