dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry about my life...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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