Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
