**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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