but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
this is an emotional support booty call
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
