I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
