There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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