hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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