Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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