I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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